.
Who cares?! …. All I want is a Water birth!
After a lot of soul searching, going through mountains of research, asking lots of people lots of questions about the risks of home birth, the risks of post-partum haemorrhage, I have come to the conclusion that the only thing I am really insistent on is labouring in water- be that in a hospital or at home.
Don’t get me wrong- I love and prefer the serenity of a home birth, the calm and relaxed environment my home provides me, as it envelops me with love and protection of all the familiar sights and scents.
However, if it means that all those around me are stressed and unable to support me full-heartedly in my serenity, then I will cave. I will ignore the unfamiliar smells, the possible screams heard from other rooms, strangers interrupting my labour, my concentration, my breathing and I will go into hospital to deliver this baby.
The one thing I will not compromise on is labouring and delivering this baby in a birthing pool in water!*
After a very emotional morning spent discussing birth options with a Consultant Midwife at our local hospital, she and I have come to a compromise- when I go into labour I call the hospital and if there is a pool free then I will go in, otherwise I will have a homebirth.
Why my utter stubbornness in light of the risks I face? Well what we believe deep down has a bearing on how events pan out:
I have this enormous fear of labour. SPD is partly responsible for this, in making me so uncomfortable, whipping away a lot of the control I had over my body. Now-a-days not even lying down gives me much relief. Even at 27 weeks is a concerted effort turning over at night, one which I religiously wake up to each time I need reposition myself in the night. I feel like a beached whale most of the time. (…see even that metaphor portrays my yearning to be in water!)
Therein lies the problem: How can I battle gravity and give birth to a 5kg (11lb+) baby at the same time? I just cannot get my head around that. I cannot convince myself that I can..and if I don’t believe I can, there isn’t even a fighting chance that I actually will be able to do it, is there?
With the midwife today, we discussed the risks and the rapid access to care available if I haemorrhage again (which statistically I am likely to) in both the hospital or at home. She was trying to be supportive and not putting too much emotional pressure on me. She mentioned only once that there is a risk that I “could become very unwell”, where in extreme circumstances due to blood loss my blood would stop clotting. However, she quickly backed off, when I said I believe in myself and that I will not haemorrhage that badly, I however do not believe I can deliver this baby without the soothing support of water. I probably shocked her with my statement of – I feel I would rather drift off into a gentle eternal sleep after a serene delivery, than having to go through the torture and agony of delivery without water. …. I had flashes of myself as Joan d’Arc being tortured and burnt at this point. (Silly hormonal pregnant woman!!! …and probably a very valid rational criticism!)
… and I know, they have invented and have been successfully using the epidural, which take all that pain away!
Did I mention I also have extreme needle phobia? Just as proof I endured a tooth filling today without an injection because of that and would rather go through the agony of delivering my 1st baby who was OP (back to back) twice over than have a needle stuck in my spine again. (If it was lifesaving, then of course, that’s a different issue!)
It all boils down to what one believes in- I am trying hard to change my beliefs for the sake of my and my baby’s health. I know if I don’t believe in myself to be able to do this I will fail miserably.
I don’t want to fail and have recurring nightmares to remind me of the failure.
I just want my waterbirth! If everyone around me insists this has to be in a hospital they can break that little bit of my resolve. However, I will not allow them to break my faith in myself and my own abilities, because then they will break something irrevocably…they will break me!
Thank you for reading, this battle of mine between the rational and the emotional … maybe even spiritual. Comments are always welcome, just bare in mind this is not the rational talking. :o)
.
* Of course this is assuming it is a normal full term pregnancy and foetus not being breech or in significant distress- I still have a couple of rational bits in my body. 😉
.
.
Image credit- Deviant art xx- Fudgee
It’s a tough one isn’t it? We had a homebirth but I had to fight for it. We lived quite a way from the hospital so I dug my heels in and insisted this was what I wanted and I prepared a full birthing plan.
We also hired a birthing pool and I began labour in the pool. I became super tired and then ‘retired’ to bed for the final stage. I have no regrets and we enjoyed the benefits of hypnobirthing too.
Whatever happens I wish you well and hope your pool is there for you…..wherever you end up having your little one. Good wishes to you for the rest of the pregnancy and the birth.
Thank you Vivien! Unfortunately I have tired of digging my heals in and realised, through my last birth, that I actually compromised the care we received by pushing those in the position of care out of their comfort zone, in one case out of their competence.
I am trying to work around my fear to get the best possible outcome this time.
Oh bless you. I fully understand how you feel because I felt more or less the same during my last pregnancy. You already know that I suffered with SPD and I was also determined to have my baby in the water. I had a similar conversation that if the birthing pool wasn’t available, then I was having a home birth. I also have an intense dislike of needles and fully understand why you wouldn’t want an epidural. I had a lovely, lovely physio work with me and she said there was absolutely no reason why I shouldn’t give birth vaginally. Being in the water is wonderful and is so incredibly helpful during both labour and delivery BUT if they think you are too high risk, you may not get a midwife to risk her job by agreeing to you going into the water. I know you’re feeling highly emotional but you really are going to have to try and think of an acceptable alternative to delivery in the pool. I’m sure you’ve researched positions. How about labouring in the bath at the hospital? Maybe they would even allow delivery in there, as they could get you out much easier if need be. But if not, bath for labour, then out onto, say, all fours for delivery? I really hope you can find something you feel happy and comfortable with. I send you lots of love and luck. Take great care of yourself x x
Thank you! I am grateful for your kind words.
It seems that those around me have acknowledged my wish for a water birth. So we are running with that… and I hope they will continue to support me in this agreement and not back out last minute. Despite trying not to I have these horrible images that they force me into a corner when the crunch comes and force me into a very hospitalised situation.
Positive thinking! I am truly lucky to have some great people in my corner, even if virtually. 🙂
I know where you are but honestly, they are trying to make sure you are safe and so is your baby.
I was exactly the same as you, but the hospital only allowed me to labour in water and get out for the delivery. In the end, it was all for the best. I thought I knew best but really, I can see what they were worried about.
Much as you want the ideal birth, it’s worth remembering that very few go to plan and most people’s reality is very very different to what they imagined it to be like. I’m not saying don’t go for it but please do listen to the advice of the midwives and the obstetricians at the time. I agree they try to manipulate and scare you but ask intelligent questions but if they are genuinely worried, do as they say. Please.
Thank you Kate! Wise words I will take to heart.
Promise I am trying my best to listen to those around me and really do take everything said on board. As you say sometimes the scare tactics and the impression of being manipulated takes away the credibility of some valid points put across.
… often the professionals forget (or chose to ignore) that they are talking to intelligent women who are as emotional as rational at this point in their lives.
I totally understand this in a way because I had my first labour in water and with my second one I wasn’t allowed in the pool (stupid rule about GBS at an unfamiliar hospital when things didn’t go to plan) and my labour in water felt far better, despite being much longer. If I ever had another I would fight tooth and nail to labour and deliver in water.
Having said that, I think you need to try very hard not to get too hung up on it. The end result you want is healthy mother and healthy baby and the birth really is just one day (ok sometimes more than one, but still a very tiny percentage of your life and motherhood). I worry about birth plans – especially ones that can leave you feeling that you’ve ‘failed’ – as really so little is within our control.
Also, just so you know, my first baby was HUGE and my second baby was normal – 2 lbs less than my first – so maybe it wont be a whopper after all!
Good luck with it all. xxxx
Eleanor, I some very good points you raised. Thank you!
I will comfort myself with the thought that this baby doesn’t need to be as big as previous ones…I do some talking to Sticky Bean to heed this too. 🙂
Hi.
I have had both a hospital (unplanned, had hoped for a home birth) and a home birth (very much planned). I think, as you are basically saying, that feeling you have some control over the situation is a real aid to a better birth/outcome.
I had a not so good time the first time round and as a result we saved up for a private midwife the second time round. So, second time round, I planned a home birth again, with a birthing pool (borrowed from the midwife, just had to buy my own liner)and the midwife, my husband and Mother in attendance.
The private midwife, once we signed on the dotted line, gave us a payment plan over the period of the pregnancy and just over a month after my due date to help spread the cost. She also gave us 24 hour access to her – direct mobile to her plus a back number for her partner (as in business partner).
The plan was home birth but if I needed to go into hospital she would be able to come with me and, although not able to actually deliver due to insurance reasons, be able to explain all the jargon, all the procedures and give me an honest opinion of the need for it. She could also speak for me should I be ‘out of it’ as we had extensive discussions about what I wanted and what my husband wanted so she could do this. Because I had a plan should things not go to plan the ‘professionals’ backed off considerably which was great.
I hope that now you have had an in depth discussion with your midwife and also come up with a plan, that you will be able to achieve the one thing that is the key to you experiencing the birth you want – a water birth. If you are able to, I would highly recommend using a private midwife (ask to speak to previous clients, check out references and make sure they have back up midwives – they don’t all have partners but often have agreements with other local private midwives) – who you can meet before hand, should they not be able to be at your birth.
I hope it all goes well.
Miriam x
PS – my midwife also continued the care she gave for a month after the birth.
Thank you Miriam! It would be lovely to be able to get a private midwife, especially as the ones locally are just wonderful. However, it’s not currently possible.
Although a plan is just a plan, and things can turn out very differently, as I’ve experienced with my previous two labours. A detailed plan, where all details are discussed and agreed by parties attending is still very helpful. A lot of weight can be lifted off everyone’s shoulders through evaluating different scenarios in advance and making rational decisions about, instead of under the panic of an emergency situation.
I am jealous of what sounds like a lovely birth facilitated though the help of your midwife. 🙂
I hope that reaching a compromise has helped and that you feel comforted knowing they want to work with you to give you the best birth they can as well as the best care they can. I think the compromise is a very sound one and at the very least you will be able to labour for some time at home, where you’re happiest.
Not everyone feels as I do but being in hospital felt very reassuring to me because I was so scared of something going wrong and needed to know that there was help close by to cope with it all.
I hope talking things through and being listened to has helped you to come to terms with some possible changes to your perfect scenario.
Big hugs x x x I hope the SPD doesn’t get worse – I entirely understand how awful that is too!
Thank you Elizabeth! 🙂
I would say that the nearest hospital to be me for birth is a women’s only hospital. Women travel from across the region to use it’s facilities. There are times when it is so busy those same women are packed in an ambulance and send to other hospitals to give birth!
I wanted to give birth in water and was told that it’s not a very popular choice and if I phoned when I went into labour I would very likely get a birthing pool.
I had the opposite and unusual situation, first birth, community midwives who very much wanted me to have a home birth. I was not keen. I wanted the security of hospital! I was lucky that as part to the community midwife approach and because the local unit is so busy – you are expected to do the majority of labour at home, the community midwife visits to see how your doing. I was so far along she suggested we change plan and opt for a home birth. A road we set out on at 10am. However, having not got much further by 7pm I went into hospital. By which time I’d lost interest in a water birth. Ended up with a very amicable c-section. I am sure you will get your water birth. I think it’s right for you and therefore right for your baby. X
Thanks Gemma! As your story illustrates, birth is a complicated matter and however much we plan for it we have to be prepared to give up our ideals for our own and baby’s safety. … however till it happens we can cling onto our idylls.