Once upon a time a man loved a woman and she loved him back. On a beautiful evening swaying away on a romantic lake the lovers came together and shared that love.
They had talked about having another baby, but never was the right time. It was the peace and the happy moments shared over a week away from it all that made them realise time will never be right, therefore now is as good a time as any.
As deep inside the woman’s body a sperm merged with a ripened egg, Lilybud was conceived. The man and the woman knew nothing of Lilybud’s existence and went about their days as otherwise.
They’d wink at each other at the memory of a wonderful night… and because the previous two such special occasions had resulted in two gorgeous children.
A week after the loving moments shared, the woman began to feel changes in her body. There were some pains in her womb. Nothing bad, just gentle tugging. A few tender spots of blood also indicated that changes were happening- Lilybud was finding a place in her womb to grow and develop safely for the next 9 months.
The woman instinctively knew what was happening. She told her man, making him proud and happy at the thought of what they were looking forward to. She was delighted and confident. Confident enough to share what was happening with others.
Some interesting half-coded discussions began. She was happy to share, as, she thought, so few people share at this early stage, so few are even aware of what’s happening.
After the achy pains of the implantation, she had twinges of nausea start and small changes in her breasts. It was all very exciting! These were familiar feelings, happening again; this was her third time.
The man and the woman were very happy, sharing those knowing smiles. They’d calculated due dates and were already thinking about their next summer- baby born in May, baptism in August with the family. She gave up coffee and alcohol immediately and started looking at maternity lingerie. She had some folic acid tablets, but those, with the home pregnancy tests, were at home and they were visiting with family some 1200 miles away. …It’ll just have to wait, she thought. She was feeling tired on most days.
Then one day it was time to drive home. On the morning the woman saw a slight pink stain in her underwear. Through the day, each time she checked there was a faint trail of blood.
That doesn’t mean anything, she thought. It’s natural to have some spotting. Maybe Lilybud is just snuggling in and disturbing things around. She told her man, who by this time was working 800 miles away. They reassured each other.
In the afternoon it came to heading off, she inserted a pad; just in case. As she drove the slight staining turned into a proper flow, but the woman maintained hope. Maybe she would still go home with Lilybud and be able to nurture the growing life in her body. You hear of bleeds in the early stages of pregnancy anyway, right? At home she can do a pregnancy test, it’ll confirm that all’s ok. Yes, it will!!!
It was good to be driving, the children slept and the silence of the miles falling away in the night gave her time to think.
There was definite tightness in her womb. She tried to relax her muscles, instead they tightened further. I shouldn’t have worn these trousers, she thought, they are too tight. They are the problem.
Then as she drove, she felt 3 unexpected, but strangely familiar waves go through her abdomen. They were the gentle versions of the pushing contractions of second stage labour she recalled. These shouldn’t come now, but 9 months later, when it is time to give birth to Lilybud!
Then the blood flow strengthened just that bit more.
By the time she met her man again, at the end of the trip, she knew: Lilybud was gone…only to remain was the memory of this fleeting moment of a miracle, a puzzle of what happened and what could’ve been. The man was very sad, the woman more surprised, wondering what she’d done wrong, how her body had failed, why had Lilybud left?
This post is dedicated to all the women who have gone though the anguish of a miscarriage of a much wanted pregnancy.