I’ve FAILED…but is there a Plan B?

My goodness, this is a post I never thought I’d be writing!

11 weeks ago I set out on a challenge to loose 18kg so I could join the Team Matilda Mae Skydive.  I had no doubt that it would be extremely tough, but I never imagined the emotional turmoil that it would cause!

The Skydive is now less than 24 hours away. On Wednesday evening I started feeling ill.  Food poisoning or gastroenteritis.  By bedtime I had made very good friends with our bathroom. (I’ll leave the rest to your imagination and sorry for the mental images!)  This went on for over 24 hours.  In between I slept and felt really weak.

{Cue: Aww, poor thing! 😉  }

Diet Coke and a couple of Doritos were all I could get down. I reckon if Coke can make copper coins nice and shiny it can clean my guts of the nasties that are giving me the hassle.

We went to the emergency GP last night as I just couldn’t get rid of the sulphuric, rotten egg flavour.  (I haven’t had eggs in a week.)  He gave me some anti-nausea tablets and said to keep hydrated.

Keep hydrated: easier said than done!  Water makes me throw up, fruit juice does too. I’m out of Coke. (Have sent Dadonthebrink for supplies.)  My kidneys are like the Sahara and are stabbing me to get them some fluids to work with.

{Cue: Aww, poor thing! 😉  }

I’m weak and washed out and under doctors orders to take it easy.

Bummer! That’s the body failing me.

… but that was all just the sob story!

I actually REALLY have FAILED on my quest.

Last night, as we returned from the doctor’s, I broke my pledge not to step on the scales and weighed myself.

I’m 4kg off the Skydiving company’s weight limit, that’s without being fully clothed.

OK… there is a small space to cheer there.

{Cue: small cheer… don’t over do it though! ;-)}

I have lost 14 kg, which is 2 st 2.9lb in the past 11 weeks.

However, that is not enough with the skydiving company’s strict, safety-related, weight limits. Even if I was feeling fit and healthy, I’d still be letting  Team Matilda Mae down.

There need to be 9 jumpers! One for each month of the precious baby girl’s life.


Those who know me, know I tend to come up with a plan B if put on the spot.  It’s no different this time.

Last night, driving to the GP, as I was feeling miserable and sorry for myself, I popped the question to Dadonthebrink:  Can you please stand in for me if I don’t feel any better?

Dadonthebrink is doing what dads do best:  he is stepping up and stepping in.

Through his actions Dadonthebrink is proving that we are a team, a team in parenting, a team in life’s ups and downs and a team through challenges. He’s the man who stands by me, puts up with my nuttiness, wipes my brow when I’m ill and takes on the challenges that I cannot.

I’m so proud of him! {Cue: Cheer!}

There will be 9 skydivers tomorrow falling from the sky

To remember the 9 precious months Matilda Mae has graced this Earth with her physical presence.

8 amazing Ladies

and 1 amazing Man

Now, us ladies are generally more vocal about our feelings, we have less cultural barriers put up and are able to express them more openly.  Men don’t have this luxury.  They are brought up with images of becoming the head of the family, the breadwinner, the strong one.

But what happens when a man’s world falls apart?

What happens when he looses a baby?

He stands by his wife and his family. He mourns in silence.  He’s expected to be the shoulder to cry on.  He carries a coffin that is feather light yet heavier than all the lead in the world.

Some dads do speak out when their world falls apart in one way or another, but it’s still rare.

So this token man of mine is falling from the sky to give a voice to the dads out there.

He’s stepping in, as dads do, when the going gets tough.

Please be generous and support him…seriously even £1 will make a difference, especially if you ask your friends to do it too.

{Cue: grab your mobile and text a donation! ;oP} Just giving donation team matilda Mae JustGiving - Sponsor me now!



… as for me? You haven’t heard the end of my challenge.  I’m still determined to do the skydive this year. I will be rebooking.

Maybe we can turn the tables and I can be the token woman in a team of 8 men?  How about it dads out there?



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  1. FAILED?!!!!!

    Shut up have you failed!!!!! You signed up didnt you?!
    You lost over 14kg didnt you?!!

    How fudge diggery fudge fudge can you be viewing that as a fail, woman?!

    OK so you are not jumping tomorrow but you will. One day. And when you do, Mr Barrow would love to do it with you (he pinky promised me he would do it this weekend but it was too short notice)

    So now I am going stare at you whilst you write out 100 times “I am not a failure”.

    And in the meantime, flat room temperature 7-UP is THE best thing EVER after a bout of sickness. Told to me by a very wise Indian doctor when I was in Saudi. It has all the salts and sugars in it you need and is easier to keep down than water.

    But must be flat (leave lid off for an hour or two) and room temperature. Cold is too big a shock to the stomach.

    And just keep sipping

    And repeating after me: I AM AMAZING


    • Mumonthebrink says:

      Thank you! Failure comes from the fact of not reaching the goal, the target I took on. I do cheer myself for what I have achieved, but it just want enough.
      I look forward to bring greatly supportive ground crew with you this time and Mr B’s company on the next flight.

  2. Chelle says:

    You have not failed!!!!!!!!!
    I think this happens right how it has to be, for one or more reason that no one propably knows yet:-)

    Let me tell you that I am very proud of the both of you and to call you my friends.
    Please donate on my behalf and I’ll pay you back.

    Big big hugs and lots of love!
    Chelle recently posted…Potato SaladMy Profile

    • Mumonthebrink says:

      I do agree with you, there’s a reason for everything. We just have to wait to find out what it is for this. Thank you for your ongoing support.

  3. Joanne says:

    Wow! What an amazing and inspiring post! Well done on the weight loss! That’s an amazing amount! Well done!
    And we’ll done for bagging yourself a truly awesome man!
    Joanne recently posted…Facebook Business Pages – Increasing VisibilityMy Profile

    • Mumonthebrink says:

      Thank you very much Joanna! I’ve lost a lot indeed, sadly not enough.

  4. Not a failure, a fab achievement. And you’ve done so much to raise profile of the jump too. Don’t be so hard on yourself. And hope you feel better soon.
    liveotherwise recently posted…Read 52: Unbored – review and giveaway.My Profile

    • Mumonthebrink says:

      Jax, a fab achievement in its own context, but in the framework of the original challenge a failure. I strive on challenge though, so this is not the end of it.

  5. MrsB says:

    What you ladies are doing is amazing. What your husband is doing is amazing. I am so scared of heights and falling that I really am in awe, I will donate the second time!
    MrsB recently posted…CrossFit week i.e. an entire week of feeling like I’m 25!My Profile

  6. Dadonthebrink is my new hero (but don’t tell the geekdaddy!)

    As the others have said you have done so well Monika – it was always a really challenging target. I have no doubt that you WILL JUMP in September!

    Well done on the weight loss so far, you will do this, I am confident!

    Big hugs x
    Ruth – geekmummy recently posted…I’m going to Blog On #BlogOnMOSIMy Profile

  7. becky says:

    dad on the brink is a SUPER star and so are you …you did really well xxx
    becky recently posted…From Casual Wear to Evening Wear in One DressMy Profile

  8. Monika!!!!!!!! You haven’t failed! You’ve done your best which is pretty darn amazing and you’ve sorted it with dadonthebrink! Not a failure in my books! Feel better soo lovely lady!xxxx
    Ruth Davies recently posted…Ben And Holly’s Little Castle Magical Playset!My Profile

  9. You certainly didn’t fail my love, you’ve been so brave and did amazing. Look how much you’ve lost. Be proud, I know I am. Thinking of Dadonthebrink, what a guy. Love to you all x
    Susan Mann recently posted…Baby Products I Love For The Next StageMy Profile

  10. I know it must be so frustrating not to meet your goal especially as you feel you have let people down but look at the positive,you have lost over 2 st,Woh ! I would love to do that ,I have been trying to loose weight so I know how hard loosing that amount of weight is. Your body has called a halt for some reason and you have to listen to it. I agree with the flat 7 up it is the best thing please do not keep drinking coke it really won’t help. I love coke myself but I know it’s not good for you.
    With hubby stepping in for you he has made this jump not all about mums and you have just highlighted how fathers grieve equally upon the loss of a child. So maybe this was meant to happen and when you’re well again I have no doubt you will loose the rest of your weight just stop being so hard on yourself and send that diet over to me, I need it.
    Anne Mackle recently posted…A Little TLC.My Profile

  11. You have not failed!!!! You are bloomin amazing to have been dedicated this for so long. I hope you get better very soon. Well done to DadOntheBrink for doing the sky dive today. Hugs to you all!!
    Notmyyearoff recently posted…Dearest Toddler – 2 Years and 7 MonthsMy Profile

  12. I won’t witter on about the nature of failure – enough people have beaten you up over that.

    But a little prophesy here – your wonderful man will be so blown away by the skydiving experience that you’ll move heaven and earth to have a go yourself, and he’ll be on the ground to catch you.

  13. Oh darling girl, you are so NOT a failure. Proud of you and your husband. I hope you feel better soon. Lots of love x
    Sandy Calico recently posted…Reasons to Love Living in Milton Keynes #9My Profile

  14. I’m so proud of you for having lost such a huge amount of weight in such a short time, you absolute wonder woman! And do you know what? I actually think this has worked out well because now he represents David and that is such an important thing to remember!

    Really hope that the lurgy leaves you soon!

  15. Wow, this has just made me cry a little. Your hubby is an amazing man. “Hey, would you mind jumping out of a plane for me?” is a bit different from “would you mind putting the bins out?”! And you definitely haven’t failed. You couldn’t help getting sick and you should be very proud of your weight loss. Just think of you and your husband as a team and Team On The Brink definitely hasn’t failed. I shall be thinking of you all today xxx
    PhotoPuddle recently posted…‘Lifestyle Beach Hut’ by brent.darbyMy Profile

  16. That was one hell of a challenge and you have done so well. Losing over 2 stone is not a failure! Hope the skydive goes well for Dadonthebrink and looking forward to hearing about yours later on in the year. I reckon I can get the bloke involved!
    Bex @ the Mummy Adventure recently posted…5 Months InMy Profile

  17. Helloitsgemma says:

    Well I said it before and I will say it again. You have an amazing husband. Beautiful post a tribute to you both. You did not fail!

  18. Well done you! You’re well on the way to achieving your target and if you’ve had the willpower to make it this far, you’re sure to get there in the end. Ironically, you’ll probably find that by the end of this vile bug, you’ll have lost a bit more. So no thoughts of failure – just keep strong and good luck to your hubby for the sky dive!
    SquareSparrow recently posted…Why go away when there’s so much to enjoy at home?My Profile

  19. You embarked on a big challenge in losing the weight, and you signed up for a skydive in spite of a fear of heights. You are amazing!

    Hope you feel better soon x
    nyssapod recently posted…Three Good Things – Week OneMy Profile

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